Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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