I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Sober January is a disaster.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
