I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Define "chronic" masturbator.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
