I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
