Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
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The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
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Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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