put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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