I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
