I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize