I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
