Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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