Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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