I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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