im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She bit a glass in half.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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