you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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