Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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