Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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