i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
