"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
