I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
we're so committed to being not committed
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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