If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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