I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
