I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I believe in your delicious
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
