Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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