He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
