awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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