Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
