i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
