just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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