i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
