SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
