I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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