Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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