he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize