I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
