For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
