yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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