So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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