I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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