If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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