have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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