Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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