You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
