I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
