If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
