Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
