careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
