I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You did what with his pubic hair?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
