Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I can't turn off my feet"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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