On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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