i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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