1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
