Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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