NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
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He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
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just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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