Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
