oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
