Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
