I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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