i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He felt like a one man threesome
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
