i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
