Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
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