I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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