You smell like stripper and shame
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I have post one night stand depression
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
