hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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