I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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