The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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