Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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