you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize