well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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