Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
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There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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