Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
