Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
