i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
