I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
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my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
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It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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