Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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