Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
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I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure