I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
