Even the bartender felt bad for me
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too